


I don't want to set the world on fire

by Tirednwild



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Archivist Jonathan Sims, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm very sorry, Jon is depressed, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, TMA spoilers, this fic is sad, wow the season 5 trailer really fucked me UP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23302609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tirednwild/pseuds/Tirednwild
Summary: Jon didn't mean to start the apocalypse but now he has to deal with the consequences, including the emotional ones.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 8
Kudos: 76





	I don't want to set the world on fire

Jon was not okay. 

He was falling apart at the seams and the world was too. The world was ending because of him. He spoke this horrible reality into existence and there was nothing he could do to stop the chaos and suffering, all he could do was watch. Despite this, he felt good. Energized and, finally for the first time in years, full. He hated himself for it. Other people were dying, they were locked inside going crazy in a world where nothing could be trusted and he was sitting on a couch. He tried to focus on the pattern in the blue blanket Martin had knit a while back. He couldn’t. His mind was filled with visions of people he would never meet coming to gruesome ends, of people finding loved ones on the verge of death, of people staring at the sky - staring at him. He closed his eyes. This did nothing. He kept them closed anyway.

When he opened them again, Martin was standing in front of him. 

“Hello.” 

His voice was raspy, he hadn’t used it in days he realized. Martin handed him a glass of water. 

“How are you feeling?” 

Even in the apocalypse, Martin was still taking care of him. It was strange. It was wrong. He caused the apocalypse, why was Martin still here? Why wouldn’t he just leave? Well, he supposed leaving meant certain death. But why did he keep talking to Jon? He had already been a monster but now he wasn’t just a monster, he was something much worse, something much more terrible. 

He grunted.

Martin sat down next to him. Jon curled further into himself, the self-hatred practically radiated off of him. 

“ **Do you-** ” he sighed. Of course, he still tried to compel people, the Eye was never satisfied. He looked back down at the blanket, studying the darker zig-zags on the light blue yarn. 

“You can ask me anything, I don’t mind.” 

Jon’s eyes welled up, he swallowed roughly and pushed them down with practiced ease.

“ **Do you hate me?** ” His voice broke towards the end. The tears were back but Jon refused to let them fall. Martin just stared, apparently dumbfounded.

“Jon, are you serious? Of course I don’t hate you!” Martin sounded as shocked as he looked. He tentatively reached out for Jon’s hands, stopping just short of holding them. Jon kept looking down. “Jon, I could never hate you.” Martin looked so… distraught. Jon could see without looking up, he didn’t think he could handle physically shifting to look at him right now, so he didn’t. 

“You should.” 

With those two whispered words the tears began to flow freely. And for this moment, he couldn’t see. His eyes were open, but all he saw was darkness. No terrible sights plagued him, he was just seeped in nothing. He felt Martin move him to where he was being held in his arms, his back pressed against Martin’s warmth. And then Martin leaned down to his ear, and he felt his warm breath as he spoke. “I love you.” Those three simple words broke something in Jon and he began to sob. His shoulders shook with the knowledge of all he has done and all those he has hurt. He turned himself slightly, locking his arms around Martin in a tight hug. A hug that Martin returned fiercely, determined to show Jon just how much he loved. 

“I’m horrible.”

Martin shook his head.

“You’re human.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for this!!!! so sorry. Hope you liked it though.


End file.
